You have Kids?
Hey everybody!
I wanted to speak on this subject and find out how you guys feel. This is something I've had to face for at least the last ten years of my life. I myself do not have any children; nor do I have children in my life that I treat or love as my own. I grew up in a broken home, my parents divorced when I was very young. Each household i lived in both of my parents began to see other people. For me the experience was not good at all. At one house the female (step mom) thought and often reminded me that she should come first. She wanted quality time and money that I felt should belong to me. No one acted as if we were a family because we felt as if we weren't.I was his kid and she his girlfriend. In the second house there was a lack of respect, but I always felt as if I were put first. I liked feeling this way. This home felt more like a family, but there was still a underling weird feeling surrounding all of it.
As an adult I was very careful of whom I slept with. I did not want to become pregnant, I wanted to plan my pregnancy. I thought this was an experience that I would share with the man I love and marry. That we would both go through joys of pregnancy TOGETHER.
To my dismay, I have not found a man who has no children and that I love. The men that I have fallen for have a child and these relationships have fallen thru, partly because of the difficulty of trying to adapt to being a" dislocated parent" in a way. I have been frightful of these kinds of situations because they always effect the children. I do not want to aid in a child growing up in a household that was similar to my own upbringing. I want to be in a mans life and love him as much as possible, to be a support system for him, and to create a legacy of our own. But when I'm with a man who already has a child I feel almost as if he has mapped out his life already and there is no room for me to create anything, just for me to fit in to his idea of life. I often wonder if I faced favouritism as a kid will my children as well (assuming that I do have children with this man)? Does him having a child mean I will be effected negatively when it comes to things I want like; vacations, or quality time with him? What if the child doesn't like me? will he leave me because of this? What if the baby's mother doesn't like me? Should I be concerned about the relationship he has with the baby's mother?
Dating a man with children can change a lot for me. Sometimes when I meet these guys the act as if I should have no problem adjusting to this change. Why? Would you be so quick to speak if the shoe were on the other foot? And now I feel as if Ive wasted my so called gift of having no previous children. We wont be experiencing anything together for the first time. This is almost like a do over for you. Am I wrong to feel cheated out of something? Or as if we are not on a even playing field?
What are your thoughts? Please remember everyone has a right to an opinion an this is mine. I am not trying to put anyone down or hurt anyone by voicing my opinion.
I wanted to speak on this subject and find out how you guys feel. This is something I've had to face for at least the last ten years of my life. I myself do not have any children; nor do I have children in my life that I treat or love as my own. I grew up in a broken home, my parents divorced when I was very young. Each household i lived in both of my parents began to see other people. For me the experience was not good at all. At one house the female (step mom) thought and often reminded me that she should come first. She wanted quality time and money that I felt should belong to me. No one acted as if we were a family because we felt as if we weren't.I was his kid and she his girlfriend. In the second house there was a lack of respect, but I always felt as if I were put first. I liked feeling this way. This home felt more like a family, but there was still a underling weird feeling surrounding all of it.
As an adult I was very careful of whom I slept with. I did not want to become pregnant, I wanted to plan my pregnancy. I thought this was an experience that I would share with the man I love and marry. That we would both go through joys of pregnancy TOGETHER.
To my dismay, I have not found a man who has no children and that I love. The men that I have fallen for have a child and these relationships have fallen thru, partly because of the difficulty of trying to adapt to being a" dislocated parent" in a way. I have been frightful of these kinds of situations because they always effect the children. I do not want to aid in a child growing up in a household that was similar to my own upbringing. I want to be in a mans life and love him as much as possible, to be a support system for him, and to create a legacy of our own. But when I'm with a man who already has a child I feel almost as if he has mapped out his life already and there is no room for me to create anything, just for me to fit in to his idea of life. I often wonder if I faced favouritism as a kid will my children as well (assuming that I do have children with this man)? Does him having a child mean I will be effected negatively when it comes to things I want like; vacations, or quality time with him? What if the child doesn't like me? will he leave me because of this? What if the baby's mother doesn't like me? Should I be concerned about the relationship he has with the baby's mother?
Dating a man with children can change a lot for me. Sometimes when I meet these guys the act as if I should have no problem adjusting to this change. Why? Would you be so quick to speak if the shoe were on the other foot? And now I feel as if Ive wasted my so called gift of having no previous children. We wont be experiencing anything together for the first time. This is almost like a do over for you. Am I wrong to feel cheated out of something? Or as if we are not on a even playing field?
What are your thoughts? Please remember everyone has a right to an opinion an this is mine. I am not trying to put anyone down or hurt anyone by voicing my opinion.
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