Cheating
Time to get a little personal.
So cheating is a touchy subject because someone always gets hurt. Its the kind of thing that you cant hide, it always seems to come out one way or another. They say once a cheater always a cheater. I don't believe that statement. That's like saying once a thief, always a thief...or anything else for that matter. Life is about growth and change and no matter how hard you try you will have to grow and change to survive.
In my past I cheated. There I said it, kind of hard to admit but yes I did it. To be technical we were broken up, not living together, not speaking, the whole nine yards. That doesn't excuse it. My behaviour was immature and impulsive. You cannot find in another what is missing from your current partner. Ever heard of the 80/20 rule? That simply means your current partner is 80% and what you find in another person is 20%. It will feel as if the new person is the 80% and your current 20%, trust me it's quite the opposite. People are so enticed by what they can not have. Most of the time the grass is brown and spotty (not greener) on the other side of that hill. I know because Ive climbed it before only to be disappointed later.
I think people cheat because they see something in another that they don't have at home with their current lover. That thing you found or see in this new person is just one thing. You have not looked at the whole person, if you did you would realize that your attraction is short lived. That man or woman is just a part of what you already have, except the person at home (your current lover) knows you, loves the good and bad about you, and supports you. The new person just performs an act and leaves. Sure its exciting, ill give you that. Its new and fresh, but is it worth risking everything? I'll help you answer that. Can you tell your current lover that you are sleeping with someone else? If you can then leave your current lover and move on. I bet you cant though, hence why you are cheating in the first place. You love the person you are with, but somewhere along the way things changed. They changed enough to make you feel as though you are missing something. Maybe you even talked to them about your feeling, but nothing seems to be going any differently. Maybe you have even threatened leaving or cheating on them. TRUST ME that will get you no where, they will only close off to you more. If you feel as though you want to cheat, you have a decision to make. Stay or leave, that your choice.
If you love someone you work things out, you stay even when the going get tough, especially when it seems as if the world is against you and all your hard work is for nothing. You have to make that choice for yourself. Everyone has a breaking point, and when you have given it your all and just cannot see your yourself loving, or marring, or speaking to that person again; then you leave. You have to be sure that that is what you want, because if you mean it then you wont be dating this person again in the future. You wont be calling and texting their phone saying how sorry you were or how you want them back. You would talk about the special things only they could do and how you would give anything to have that back.
So think about your choices before you make them. That has and still is one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn. I react before I think, and before I know it Ive done something I regret. Don't let your friends get in your mind and make the decision for you. Stay strong. It could be a friend saying that you deserve better and whats a one night stand going to hurt; or why not talk to that guy, its just something to do when you get bored. Make your own choice! It could be a friend saying your lover cheated on you, or drudging up that persons past lovers. We know you don't want to hear that. Women and men alike cannot stand to think or see the person the love with someone else, even if it was before they started dating. No one wants to hear about someone touching/loving your "boo". Have you ever thought that maybe this information isn't true? Maybe some of the details are off but for the most part it is true. Now how do you feel, probably sad and hurt. Make your choice! Are you going to leave or stay?
Personally I believe a rumor is a rumor. If someone cheated more than likely its going to happen again. The "cheater" is weak to whomever they are cheating with. They will continue to seek each other out until one of them is caught, and maybe even there after. So this means you will find your evidence, you wont need a rumor. The proof is in the pudding they say. I do think if you have heard nasty negative things like this about your partner that you do have one solid reason to be upset. It is evident that they do not protect and profess their love for you to others around them. When your happy you tell people right? "I just got these new jordans; they nice aren't they?" "Man, I love my girl even though she gets on my damn nerves!" Usually when people are in relationships they cant stop talking about the person they are seeing. They ramble on and on until even you feel as though you know him or her yourself. But this too can be changed. You have to speak up about it. Do you want to try and change it? That's up to you. The key to relationships is communication. Its the hardest thing to do because you must allow yourself to be vulnerable and speak about your fears and pain. If you are angry talking will become yelling and then things are said that create more damage. I think its time for you to make your choice...which will it be?
Looks like you have some things to think about, so Ill let you go. Good Luck!
So cheating is a touchy subject because someone always gets hurt. Its the kind of thing that you cant hide, it always seems to come out one way or another. They say once a cheater always a cheater. I don't believe that statement. That's like saying once a thief, always a thief...or anything else for that matter. Life is about growth and change and no matter how hard you try you will have to grow and change to survive.
In my past I cheated. There I said it, kind of hard to admit but yes I did it. To be technical we were broken up, not living together, not speaking, the whole nine yards. That doesn't excuse it. My behaviour was immature and impulsive. You cannot find in another what is missing from your current partner. Ever heard of the 80/20 rule? That simply means your current partner is 80% and what you find in another person is 20%. It will feel as if the new person is the 80% and your current 20%, trust me it's quite the opposite. People are so enticed by what they can not have. Most of the time the grass is brown and spotty (not greener) on the other side of that hill. I know because Ive climbed it before only to be disappointed later.
I think people cheat because they see something in another that they don't have at home with their current lover. That thing you found or see in this new person is just one thing. You have not looked at the whole person, if you did you would realize that your attraction is short lived. That man or woman is just a part of what you already have, except the person at home (your current lover) knows you, loves the good and bad about you, and supports you. The new person just performs an act and leaves. Sure its exciting, ill give you that. Its new and fresh, but is it worth risking everything? I'll help you answer that. Can you tell your current lover that you are sleeping with someone else? If you can then leave your current lover and move on. I bet you cant though, hence why you are cheating in the first place. You love the person you are with, but somewhere along the way things changed. They changed enough to make you feel as though you are missing something. Maybe you even talked to them about your feeling, but nothing seems to be going any differently. Maybe you have even threatened leaving or cheating on them. TRUST ME that will get you no where, they will only close off to you more. If you feel as though you want to cheat, you have a decision to make. Stay or leave, that your choice.
If you love someone you work things out, you stay even when the going get tough, especially when it seems as if the world is against you and all your hard work is for nothing. You have to make that choice for yourself. Everyone has a breaking point, and when you have given it your all and just cannot see your yourself loving, or marring, or speaking to that person again; then you leave. You have to be sure that that is what you want, because if you mean it then you wont be dating this person again in the future. You wont be calling and texting their phone saying how sorry you were or how you want them back. You would talk about the special things only they could do and how you would give anything to have that back.
So think about your choices before you make them. That has and still is one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn. I react before I think, and before I know it Ive done something I regret. Don't let your friends get in your mind and make the decision for you. Stay strong. It could be a friend saying that you deserve better and whats a one night stand going to hurt; or why not talk to that guy, its just something to do when you get bored. Make your own choice! It could be a friend saying your lover cheated on you, or drudging up that persons past lovers. We know you don't want to hear that. Women and men alike cannot stand to think or see the person the love with someone else, even if it was before they started dating. No one wants to hear about someone touching/loving your "boo". Have you ever thought that maybe this information isn't true? Maybe some of the details are off but for the most part it is true. Now how do you feel, probably sad and hurt. Make your choice! Are you going to leave or stay?
Personally I believe a rumor is a rumor. If someone cheated more than likely its going to happen again. The "cheater" is weak to whomever they are cheating with. They will continue to seek each other out until one of them is caught, and maybe even there after. So this means you will find your evidence, you wont need a rumor. The proof is in the pudding they say. I do think if you have heard nasty negative things like this about your partner that you do have one solid reason to be upset. It is evident that they do not protect and profess their love for you to others around them. When your happy you tell people right? "I just got these new jordans; they nice aren't they?" "Man, I love my girl even though she gets on my damn nerves!" Usually when people are in relationships they cant stop talking about the person they are seeing. They ramble on and on until even you feel as though you know him or her yourself. But this too can be changed. You have to speak up about it. Do you want to try and change it? That's up to you. The key to relationships is communication. Its the hardest thing to do because you must allow yourself to be vulnerable and speak about your fears and pain. If you are angry talking will become yelling and then things are said that create more damage. I think its time for you to make your choice...which will it be?
Looks like you have some things to think about, so Ill let you go. Good Luck!
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